What Questions Should I Ask an Au Pair?
A guide to asking the right questions in order to find out whether someone will really fit into your family
By the time a Christian Au Pairs candidate speaks with a host family, you should already know quite a lot about her.
We already will have worked a lot to ensure a good match, and will have typically relayed details about where she wants to go, when she can start, how long she can stay, her English level, driving status, family preferences, childcare experience, household experience, hobbies, church life and plans for the future.
So when you have your first call, having your own questions ready helps the conversation to flow and should give you a good understanding of the au pair. Here are a few tips and starter questions to get the most out of your first call.
Reasons for becoming an au pair
The application already asks why she wants to be an au pair. Use her answer rather than asking the same question again.
If she writes that she wants to improve her English, ask what she hopes to be able to do by the end of the year. If she talks about travel, ask what she hopes to see and how important travelling will be to her. If she talks about children, ask what she enjoys most about looking after them.
You are trying to understand what she wants from the year and whether your family can realistically offer it.
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What would make you look back at the end of the year and feel it had been a really good experience?
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What are you most hoping to learn or experience while you are abroad?
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What kind of host family do you think you would feel most comfortable living with?
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What would you hope to do in your free time?
The kind of place and family she has chosen
Someone who has chosen city life might still be happy in a suburb, but do not assume. If she shows interest in city life, ask what she hopes to have nearby. If you live somewhere rural, explain that honestly.
If you have pets, ask about her actual experience around them rather than simply confirming that she ticked yes. She may also have specific animal preferences. If your family situation is different from the traditional two-parent household, talk naturally about what everyday life looks like in your home.
Turning childcare history into real examples
The au pair will have typically written about their childcare experience, including experience with babies or children under two, special needs, and any childcare or first-aid courses. Your first call can turn those descriptions into stories.
“Tell me about the children you looked after most often.” “How long were you usually responsible for them?” “Were the parents still in the house?” “What did a normal afternoon look like?”
If she says she has cared for babies, details can help a lot: feeding, nappies, settling, bathing, naps or simply playing while a parent was nearby. If she mentions special-needs experience, ask her to explain the setting and what support she personally provided.
This is not about catching someone out. Two people can both mention “babysitting” while having very different levels of responsibility.
Using situations that resemble your own children
A few careful examples of daily challenges can help give you insight into the way the au pair might fit into your routine and rise to challenges.
“Our youngest can refuse to get dressed when we are late for school. What would you try?” “Our two children sometimes argue in the car. How would you handle that if you were driving?”
If you have a child who needs a particular routine, tell her enough to picture it and ask how she would approach it.
There is not always one perfect answer. You are listening for patience, common sense, honesty and a willingness to follow the parents' approach rather than inventing a completely different set of rules.
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Tell us about the children you have spent the most time caring for.
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What do you enjoy most about looking after children?
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What part of childcare do you find most difficult?
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What would you do if two children were arguing and both blamed the other?
Talk about household life without being vague
Candidates are already asked about their household and housework experience. You could follow up with ordinary examples.
You might ask what jobs she normally does at home, whether she cooks, whether she has ever done children's laundry, and how she feels about clearing up after meals or keeping children's areas tidy.
Then explain your expectations just as clearly. Phrases such as “light housework” mean different things to different people. It is better to say exactly what you expect around children's laundry, dishes, lunchboxes, bedrooms and play areas.
Use hobbies to picture her life outside work
We ask au pairs about their hobbies. It can tell you a lot about how an au pair might build a life once she arrives.
If she enjoys sport, ask whether she would want a local gym or club. If she likes music, ask whether she would be interested in a church worship team, assuming they are accepting new volunteers. If she loves travelling, talk about what your timetable and transport would realistically allow.
Go beyond the written faith answers
You should already know about your au pair's general Christian background, but this is an area where a natural conversation tells you much more, and helps her know what to expect from your family.
If she mentions a particular church, ask what she enjoys about it. Does she get involved in a particular ministry or team? Does she have aspirations about what kind of Christian community she hopes to find while abroad?
Tell her about your family too, it will be important that she can fit into your regular faith routine. Do you pray with the children? Attend church each Sunday? Host a small group? Do you as a couple come from different Christian traditions?
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What does your Christian faith look like in everyday life?
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Are there particular parts of church life or Christian community that are important to you?
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What would you hope for from a Christian host family?
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Have you ever got involved in kids ministry in your local church?
When we match girls and families, the aim is not to test whether someone gives the right theological answers, but to discover whether you understand each other's faith and would feel comfortable living it out in the same home.
Give the au pair space to ask you questions
A candidate may spend the call trying hard to make a good impression. That can result in her saying yes to things she has not really understood.
Tell her explicitly that you want questions. Encourage her to ask about your children, timetable, room, transport, driving, church, house rules, weekends and previous au pairs.
Thoughtful questions are a good sign. She is not only deciding whether she wants the placement; she is deciding whether she can live well with your family.
The goal is a mutual yes
We hope that this guide gives you the tools you need to conduct a successful first call with your au pair. Sometimes it can take more than one call. You may even decide after further consideration that this is actually not the right candidate. Christian Au Pairs is always here to support you for the best experience with your future au pair.